im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
