my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is not my ceiling
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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