I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
