Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
