she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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