Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
