You just made me feel so damn special
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
