Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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