Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
