We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
