don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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