Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
