so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
