..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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