My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
