I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
