I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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