Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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