The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
