we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
