I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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