Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
