remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
