Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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