THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
