Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
