I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
