My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
