i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
