wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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