you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
