You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
