there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize