I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
