I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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