hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
