I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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