My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
