So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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