If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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