arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
