I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love accidental penises.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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