I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
