She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
