pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
