you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
