i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
