Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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