Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
