Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
