and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
