O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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