dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
