This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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