Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
