My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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