Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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