Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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