Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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