I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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