somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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