Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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