i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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