I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
