the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
