Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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