are you so shy because you have an std?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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