my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
