I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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