Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
