Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
