somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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