I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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